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Can someone please help me with my English homework?
I have to write 2 paragraphs that show third person omniscient narration.

Could someone read it and tell me if it does that?

And could someone also proofread my story?

One Christmas eve, young Minnie Barry was anxiously awaiting the come of morning in her living room. Her house was already decorated for the arrival of Christmas. a warm fire was built, the stockings were hung, and the presents were wrapped. In the kitchen, Minnie’s mother was baking cookies. As the smell of cookies surrounded the living room, Minnie was filled with excitement. With almost a sense of urgency, she ran into the kitchen. "I sure they are chocolate-chip," she thought. To her delight, they were. "This is going to be the best Christmas eve ever!" thought Minnie.

Meanwhile,across town, however, Minnie’s brother — Scott— was sprinting away from a mad serial killer. Scott was beginning to feel hopeless. He had been running for over 20 minutes now. His legs were numb and his muscles ached. Before he knew it, Scott’s legs buckled under him. Stumbling, he fell face down into a patch of grass. Behind him he could hear the sound of foot steps. "This is the end," he thought mournfully, "I wish I had been able to see Minne and Mother one last time." With that as his last thought,Scott soon blackened out as the killer stabbed a knife into Scott’s back.

A few hours later, Officer Krumpke, knocked on the Barry’s door. "I am so terribly sorry, Mrs. Barry," he said as she opened the door, "but my team has just found your son’s corpse. There is no evidence about who has done it." Officer Krumpke watched in sorrow as Mrs.Barry’s face crumpled into anguish. With as much politeness as she could muster, Mrs.Barry said, "Thank you,officer." and closed the door. As he walked away, Officer Krumpke thought about how he hated being the bearer of bad news.

Inside, when Minnie saw her mother’s sorrowful face, Minnie knew that tomorrow would not be a happy Christmas.

One Christmas Eve, young Minnie Barry was anxiously awaiting the morning in her living room. Her house was already decorated for Christmas. A warm fire was built, the stockings were hung, and the presents were wrapped. In the kitchen, Minnie’s mother was baking cookies. As the aroma of cookies surrounded the living room, Minnie was filled with excitement. With almost a sense of urgency, she ran into the kitchen. "I’m sure they are chocolate-chip," she thought. To her delight, they were. "This is going to be the best Christmas Eve ever!" thought Minnie.

Meanwhile, across town, however, Minnie’s brother, Scott, was sprinting away from a mad serial killer. Scott was beginning to feel hopeless. He had been running for over 20 minutes now. His legs were numb and his muscles ached. Before he knew it, Scott’s legs buckled under him. Stumbling, he fell face down into a patch of grass. Behind him he could hear the sound of footsteps. "This is the end," he thought mournfully. "I wish I had been able to see Minnie and Mother one last time." With that last thought,Scott soon blackened out as the killer stabbed a knife into Scott’s back.

A few hours later, Officer Krumpke knocked on the Barry’s door. "I am so terribly sorry, Mrs. Barry," he said as she opened the door, "but my team has just found your son’s corpse. There is no evidence about who has done it." Officer Krumpke watched in sorrow as Mrs.Barry’s face crumpled into anguish. With as much politeness as she could muster, Mrs. Barry said, "Thank you, officer." and closed the door. As he walked away, Officer Krumpke thought about how he hated being the bearer of bad news.

Inside, when Minnie saw her mother’s sorrowful face, Minnie knew that tomorrow would not be a happy Christmas.
jlinqu | May 04, 2009

Otherwise, it’s a good story.
Richard B | May 04, 2009